Horoscopes.

I am not that into horoscopes.  Why you ask? BECAUSE THEY ARE A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT!


And, I refuse to believe that shit until I get some more details okay?  Enough with the vagueness, astrological signs.

Here's some of my horoscopes from different websites for today:

1. Cosmopolitan.com: Spendthrift Jupiter could make money fly through your fingers.  If you're shopping, make a list and stick to it.

Nope! Wrong!  Because you see for money to fly through my fingers I would have to have more than 50 dollars in my account. So you suck.

2. Horoscope.com: Your ship comes in, Scorpio.  Don't be surprised if you find a big, fat check waiting for you.  Who knows what you've done to deserve such kindness?  Don't question your good fortune- just accept it with calm and grace.  Finally, you can implement some of those home improvements.  Deep down you deserve it!

Interesting and contradictory.

So here's what I want to know Mr. and Mrs. Horoscope Writers.  Is my ship coming in or am I going to be spending all my doe?  When is this big, fat check coming and how much is it for so I know how much money I can charge to my credit card?  And, how did you know I needed home improvements?  Can you tell I live in a beat down college house in which there are birds and other creatures living in the attic?

I think I should start writing horoscopes for people.  Really spice things up.  It actually seems pretty easy.

Scorpio:  You will be a lazy piece of shit today and watch reruns of Law and Order: SVU all day until you finally get out of bed to shower.  You may even take some time to write in your blog that no one cares to read anyway.  But other than your pathetic waste of a life you will have a great day!

See!! no need to read my horoscope for that! :D