Dear Writers/Publishers/Editors and Anyone else involved in the creation of the magazine, Cosmopolitan,
1. I'd like to start by saying I love you, and that I am a loyal reader.
2. Your magazine never ceases to amuse me.
3. Where do you come up with half this crap???
Like I said I am always the first to purchase and read the monthly magazine, but I am starting to find that it is getting rather monotonous. Each magazine involves:
1. A certain number (5, 51, 79, 87.. the number is irrelevant) new ways to seduce your man.
Okay, I'll give it to you. Some of your ways of seducing a man are actually legitimate, but others are just plain fucked up. I have to say that April's section was interesting because it not only involved ways to seduce a man, but it told you how to seduce your man in less than a minute...damn.
This is a great one. "Wake him up in the morning by sucking on his finger as if its his penis" I am sorry. Would this actually turn a guy on? I am pretty sure that if a guy woke up to me sucking on his finger he'd be like what the F$#% get out of my bed and my life.
Oh wait.. even better.."Stare longingly at his package for a few seconds". Hello man I think you're attractive. Don't mind me I am just going to stare at your junk for a short duration of time. No, its not weird. Cosmo told me to do it!! Aren't you totally seduced and not creeped out at all right now??
2. The Health Corner which involves two of the most self explanatory things ever: Eating Healthy and Exercise.
"Cosmo's 5 great ways to get the swimsuit body you've always wanted"
1. Stop drinking alcohol. Choose water over beer. You won't make that mistake of drunk texting your ex and your body will feel great and thank you.
2. Cut the carbs. Cut them all out. Just veggies girlfriend. Swap that bagel you eat every day for a handful of grapes. Your body will feel refreshed and energized. Wow I was really craving a bagel but yeahh definitely 5 grapes will do the trick.
3. Take the stairs rather than the elevator. Um yeah walking up 10 stairs instead of walking down the hall to the elevator is not really going to make a difference. Sure maybe if your office is on the 31st floor it would make a difference but really give me a break.
4. Have lots of sex. Sex is the best way to work out and this is all our magazine refers to. If you have trouble finding a mate don't worry turn to page 54 and we'll tell you how to seduce a man
5. EXERCISE. Run 15 miles a day and do 1000 crunches and you'll have the body you always wanted.
Gee thanks Cosmo. You really cleared that one up for me.
Also, the health corner always has a section on your vagina and how everything operates down there and most of the time will include depictions
3. Hot girl on the cover. Ok I am pretty sure that the majority of your readers are women. Please just have a hott man on the cover for once. please. I get it ok. Olivia Wilde is gorgeous but put her on the cover of MAXIM.. cant we get David Beckham with his shirt off please? If I am reading this magazine and am actually reading your 59 ways of seducing a man I am obviously feelin a little lonely.
4. However I have to say one of my favorite things about cosmo is the section on sex that includes a tear out page that you can give to your man so that he knows how to please you in bed. Do it. I'm sure he won't be offended at all by the fact that you're giving him a ripped out page of a magazine because he has no idea how to get you off. Ha.
Thats all for now (and thats the way the cookie crumbles)
Kelcie
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